Sunday, August 13, 2006

The Dream of the Blackberries

During our homestudy, I asked our social worker what were some of the ways people could screw up an interview, since it all seemed so easy to me. She told us that one of her clients wanted her child to be a baton twirler when the SW asked about any expectations she had for this child. The SW asked her what would happen if the child didn't want to be a baton twirler. The woman talked about what fun she and her mother had during those times and this child would be a baton twirler. Apparently, this woman did go through some therapy before they approved her for adoption. I thought the only expectations I had were for Buttons to be happy, healthy and successful in whatever she wants to do. (As long as it doesn't hurt her or anyone else.)

Of course, when we were waiting for our referral we used to dream and talk about the things we'd do with little Buttons when we met her. My hubby wanted to take her to the beach after having a dream where he saw her very vividly running along the sand, except he couldn't see her face. I thought about walks, cooking together and taking her to her first movie. Plans, not expectations. Well, we held her in our arms just a few months before her first birthday and we planned a party for her. A wonderful friend of ours made a truly amazing cake (it really deserves its own post) and I remember wanting Buttons to dig in the cake and get it all over and just eat it all up and that didn't quite happen. The day was wonderful, but I must say I really wanted that whole cake thing to happen. Oooh, an unfulfilled expectation.

This weekend we went to visit some friends (we'll call them Rocco and Rita *) and we went blackberry picking. We didn't know we were going to do this, but it was the best time! It was the kind of day that I would have dreamed of having when we were waiting to see her face, only it was sooo much better. We were with friends, picking these wonderful berries in the sun and Buttons was having the time of her life. After showing her a few times, she understood to pick only the black berries and not the red ones. She loved holding the basket and made a big "oooh" sound whenever we found several berries together. Then, without anyone coaxing her, she started to eat them. She had a purple mouth and purple hands and couldn't have been happier enjoying the fruits of her labor (all pun intended). She walked and ran and laughed. I never dreamed of this Blackberry Day but here it was, mine for the picking (it's getting bad, huh?). So the lesson here? I need to enjoy the moments as they come...plan and give them room to happen, but try not to have expectations. It's hard for me sometimes because I do think back to good times in my own childhood and I want those for Buttons. What I really need to remember is she needs her own good times in her own good time.

Well, birthday #2 is fast appraoching and we have planned a party at a local creamery where the milk for the ice cream comes from the cows on the farm. We'll go for a hayride to get pumpkins, we'll eat some yummy vegetarian grub, we'll have ice cream sundays, we'll see cows, we'll sing "Happy Birthday" and maybe we'll have cake. Perhaps she'll get very excited about some of those things or maybe she'll find one of the children's books they have there and just want us to read it to her again and again. I hope I will be able to live in the moment and enjoy whatever makes her happy that day. Plans, hopes, wishes and expectations are pretty tricky territory and I'm trying not to force a baton into her hand. Wish me luck!

*Rocco and Rita informed us this weekend that they are planning to attend some informational meetings with different Adoption Agencies. I remember this first step and it's a big one, am I right? Anyway, they sometimes read my blog so if you have any words of wisdom or support, you're welcome to comment here. They are terrific people and really care about the world. They have been really sweet with Buttons and she really gets a kick out of them. Rocco and Rita, if you're out there, please know that we think you're gonna be great parents!!!

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6 Comments:

At August 14, 2006 at 2:17 AM, Blogger Millicent said...

Backatcha KatieJ...there's a little tear in my eye now, thankyouverymuch. Your post meant a lot to me on all sorts of levels. I think I really enjoy hearing about the things/experiences waiting parents envision for their children (okay, maybe not the baton twirling, hmmm). What are the dreams that we can allow ourselves to dream?

But then, to actually hear about the real-life thing. Well, that's just another one of those things that gives me faith.

Thank you and Buttons and the blackberries for giving me my faith for the day!

 
At August 14, 2006 at 7:27 AM, Blogger Marsha Brofka-Berends said...

What fun! Buttons seems to have grasped the "don't eat the red ones" rule a lot faster than Sylvia. We've been picking wild blackberries up here in Vermont, and Sylvia loves them...to the point that she's impatiently grabbing any "beh-beh" (berry) she sees. Needless to say, berry-picking is a heavily supervised activity for the time being. By next summer, we hope she has Buttons's ability to discern the good berries from the bad ones. :)

I remember Buttons's first birthday party. The second one sounds like it will be even better! (After all, there will be cows involved. How cool is that?)

 
At August 14, 2006 at 7:36 AM, Blogger Stephanie said...

Hmm, can they make a blackberry flavored b-day cake for Buttons?

Anyway, to your friends Rocco & Rita - best of luck with your first steps into the world of adoption. We will be happy to have you join us!

 
At August 14, 2006 at 4:51 PM, Blogger wzgirl said...

Buttons BDay party sounds like soo much fun. I love hayrides. Maybe they'll have sausage there, too - buttons fave food (veggie, of course)? Great story, KatieJ, thank you for sharing!

 
At August 14, 2006 at 6:29 PM, Blogger Tammy said...

AWWWW! Don't ya just love fruit picking? So much fun! I agree that sometimes our fondest memories, or most fun things to do, with our kids are unexpected. It's the little things that can mean the most. I'm sure Buttons had a blast & got a little vitamin C as a bonus.

To Rocco & Rita:
Congratulations on taking the first step (and yes, informationals are the first steps) of this amazing journey. My advice - attend all informationals, even if you don't think you'll learn anything. Just being with other waiting parents in the same stage of the process is a helpful. Can't wait to hear when your Dossier goes to China.

 
At August 15, 2006 at 8:58 PM, Blogger Kim M. said...

Great post great picture! Thanks for sharing!

By the way love the purple crocs! My kids love the crocs!

 

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