Friday, July 11, 2008

Sabbatical?

Have you ever had a job you really loved? You gave it your all and the rewards were fantastic and amazing? You worked many hours and not only didn't mind, but really enjoyed it? And then one day you have a really bad day and you wonder if you're any good at your job after all. All you wanna do is call in sick and take a sabbatical for a day or two. The problem with taking the day off is that the job I'm talking about is being a mom.

Remember the joy of dance class? Well, it turned into the week of "which lesson do I want to teach my child"? There's the "I'm always there for you" lesson or the "you can do something independently from me and I'll be there to pick you up afterward" lesson or the "if you cry and the teacher calls me to come and get you I will come...and then when I get there it's ok for you tell me you're fine and you'll stay as long as you know I'm close by and not going home to do the 4,000 things I planned to do while you were in dance class this week" lesson. Yeah, guess which lesson I taught her? I spent the week hanging out at the fitness center where she was having classes. I worked out, read a book, and finished a knitted tank top for her. However, I needed to unpack, clean and pack again and I'm nowhere near being there.

The whole week I kept thinking "ok, it's dance class and pretty intense but I'm here for her and on Friday I'll get to see how much she really enjoys the class because I'll get to see her dance." Well, today dance class didn't happen. There's a whole story there, but I'd rather not relive it.

You see, in Belgium, Buttons and I were together 24/7 and I think I'm in more of a need for a breather from my girl than she's willing to give. I'm glad she wants to hang out with me, but I'm feeling resentment about the loss of the rest of my week without the payoff and today I really wanted to take a sabbatical from my job of stay-at-home mom. And these feelings bring on that most helpful emotion: guilt.

You see, being a mom was a job I wanted for a really long time and I filled out resume after resume, answered very personal interview questions, and traveled the world before I finally became one. I remember the longing, the waiting and the promise to never complain once I became a mom. Yeah, that was dumb because everyone needs to vent sometime. However, I know there are some waiting moms who read this blog and I don't want to seem ungrateful, but today I just wanted things to go as planned. Then I wanted time off from my job. However, Hubby was busy at work, friends were unavailable and my mom lives 12 hours away. So, I had to figure it out and I felt trapped and alone.

I've been in a terrible mood all day and I can't seem to shake it. In a little over a week she has another camp and I have now learned a lesson. I am going to try sending her to this camp but if she asks me to come for her, I'm taking her home and she's not going back. Maybe she's too young and I'm definitely too cranky.

Would I quit this job? Never. No way. But Hubby and I are taking a 3 day/2 night trip while Buttons stays with my mom and I am counting the days. If you've made it all the way to this sentence, thanks for letting me vent. I needed it.

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8 Comments:

At July 11, 2008 at 6:55 PM, Blogger Tammy said...

I'm impressed that it has taken you 3 years to have one of these days/weeks. You are a wonderful mom & the promise that you made to yourself (or to God) that you wouldn't complain doesn't mean that you're not allowed to - or should feel guilty about it. You never complain about Buttons, just the break that you need from the 24/7 job itself. You know what I call what you're feeling? Normal.

Go and enjoy your much needed hiatus with the hubster. Live it up and pamper yourself - you have certainly earned every flipping minute.

 
At July 12, 2008 at 9:03 AM, Blogger walternatives said...

Vent away, Mommmy. You've earned it, as well as 3 days off with your sweet husband! Woo Hoo!

 
At July 12, 2008 at 9:50 AM, Blogger Katie J said...

Thanks gals. You are awesome.

 
At July 14, 2008 at 9:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey no sweat! My mom was a great mom and I know that she needed a break from me all of the time. There should be no guilt. Part of being a parent is being there when they really need you, some of the time when they think they need you and almost never when they don't think they need you. I know I yelled screamed and fought almost every inch of the way with my mom and in the end as I am looking at becoming a mom myself I am glad for ever time she was there and when she let me be off on my own. She swears now that I am grown, married and across the state from her that she would do it again.

Enjoy your vacation and know that you are still a good mommy!

Your SP

PS I am pulling your gifty together now, I might send it in two pieces.

 
At July 14, 2008 at 11:13 AM, Blogger Gina said...

I can't think of a person who deserves some "adult-time" more than you. You are one of the most caring, selfless people I know. I really hope that your time-off from momhood was super.

tjyoyojy to you!

 
At July 14, 2008 at 11:50 AM, Blogger Beth said...

I read your whole post. It was good for me to hear you vent. I miss you so much. Have a good trip with Hubby!

 
At July 14, 2008 at 3:34 PM, Blogger Robin said...

I think it's very normal to feel weary from the (huge) job that is being a mom. I think it would be more abnormal never to feel that way, honestly. Enjoy your time with your hubby to recharge your batteries. Maybe Buttons will benefit from a little time apart as well.

 
At July 18, 2008 at 2:55 PM, Blogger Gina said...

Oh also? Just FYI, I tagged you on my blog to do a meme. So if/when you get a chance head on over there to check it out. Is this how you tag people? GAH, I don't even know!

Have a great weekend!

Gina

 

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