Saturday, February 10, 2007


Well, thanks to this book we began the birds and bees discussion today. Buttons pulled it off the library shelves and it looked innocent enough, but it's all about animals and their reproducing behaviors. So, when I showed her the pregnant sea horse father, the explainin' began. I thought this would begin a bit later, so I stumbled a bit to find the right words. We also have the extra adoption piece that I thought needed to be discussed while we were on the subject. (We've talked about her birth in China and the fact that we went to China to bring her home, but this conversation went a bit further.)

This is an approximation of how the discussion went...

Me: Actually Buttons, babies usually grow in the mama's belly. Er, uh, it's called a womb actually. Can you say womb?

Buttons: "Ellie" (a friend who's pregnant with her 2nd) has a baby in her belly too!

Me: Yes, that's right. She's going to have a little boy or girl.

Buttons: A boy! Buttons wants baby in her too!!!

Me: Well, you'll have to wait until you get older for that.

Hubby: (In next room) Not until you're out of high school!

Me: So, uh, um...Buttons you grew inside of another woman's belly, not Mama's.

Buttons looks under my shirt.

Me: Some mothers can't have babies grow in their tummies. The woman who gave birth to you couldn't take care of you, so your Baba and I became your parents and we'll always take care of you and be your Mama and Baba.

Hubby: (Now in the room with us) We are your parents for always and we love each other very much.

Buttons hugs us both very tightly.

She talks very frequently throughout the evening about wanting to have a baby in her belly.

Now that I'm posting, I think of various things I wanted to get across to her. The woman who carried her loved her very much too. (How could she not?) Although I would have loved to carry her inside of me for 9 months, I know she would have been a different person and I love her for everything she is. I want her to know if she decides to have a child someday, that she should at least consider adoption because man, it's an awesome and wonderful gift.

Yeah, I know this is a conversation we'll be having again and again. There will be questions and sometimes I'll even have answers. There will be tough discussions and painful feelings. I'm certain that we'll be talking about this together for the rest of our lives. I just didn't realize it would start this evening before she's even two and a half years old. Big step. Big breath.

The weigh-in? Yeah, I'm stable after going to California. Oh well.

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At February 11, 2007 at 12:41 AM, Blogger wzgirl said...

The bellies. The babies. The stories. Oh my. What incredible times are upon you. Buttons continues to warm my heart.

As do you.

At February 11, 2007 at 8:13 PM, Anonymous Viv said...

We had that conversation too back when Lily's teacher was pregnant. It's hard to know how much their taking out of the conversation at that age, isn't it? Congrats on getting through that "first time."

At February 12, 2007 at 2:05 PM, Anonymous Robin said...

Wow, it does seem early for those questions/conversation! I have to hand it to you - sounds like you handled it very well!

At February 12, 2007 at 8:14 PM, Blogger Tammy said...

Very sweet.

Allison loves to talk about how she came into our family. She prompts the conversation almost nightly. Her curiosity started similarly to your story and now she LOVES to hear how excited we were to bring her home to America and she gets all snuggly and giddy when she hears it.

I agree with you - ADOPTION ROCKS!!

Look forward to seeing you guys this weekend.

At February 14, 2007 at 12:57 PM, Blogger Julie Pippert said...

I think you did an admirable job, especially on the fly like that. Clearly, though, you've given it much thought and consideration. Still, there is no amount of preparation I think, that actually prepares you when you get A Big Question.

I'm always behind, somehow, and get these things before I expect.

You've got the words and feeligns in this post, so you'll have them for her when she needs them.

Big breath! And kudos for the good job.

At February 14, 2007 at 3:32 PM, Blogger Stacy said...

I think about having that conversation some day. I worry I won't say what needs to be said. I think your discussion was a good one for the first time.

Thanks for sharing it.

At February 15, 2007 at 5:42 PM, Blogger Beth said...

It sounds like you did a great job explaining the birds and bees!

At February 16, 2007 at 11:14 AM, Blogger Millicent said...

Hmmm...first comment got deleted (I think). Let's try this again.

I thought I was in a non-crying mood today...until I got to the part where your husband came into the room and joined the conversation. Whew. That was a good cry. And now that I'm thinking about it again, I'm getting choked up again (that is, I was until Blogger pissed me off). That sounds like a really nice conversation.


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