Monday, August 27, 2007

Ok, whatever you just whined about that's what we'll do.

I'm starting this post with a question to you that I probably have the answer for already: how do I stop the whining? However, I need to vent (whine?) just a wee bit about it anyway. Someone once told me she was happy to have had boys because girls whine. I'm not into putting behavior into gender roles. Our culture tends to go that way with the "boys will be boys" saying to excuse inappropriate behavior and the "I'm a princess" shirts for girls and it becomes hard to be gender neutral. With that being said, my child can whine and it is becoming like nails on a chalkboard to me.

So here's the part I know. You can't control your child's behavior, but you can control how you react to that behavior. We do the 1-2-3 Magic discipline method and it's great. I'm certain one of the issues is I need to use it more. Everything I've read states that children need to test the rules and the most important thing is to have standards that are immovable. Kids need to know they can only go so far before they're reeled in by the parent(s). While I know it's good for Buttons sometimes it's hard to do.

Today I did my job pretty well at the local grocery store by taking her out of the situation after telling her that would be the consequence if she continued to act up and it upset her but I knew that was good. Hard, but good. That was today and the behavior wasn't whining. This weekend I asked Buttons if she wanted to do this or that and she whined something and I said to Hubby "ok, whatever you just whined about that's what we'll do". The. Whining. Must. Stop. Whining is bringing my morale down folks, but it's sometimes hard to discipline her for it. I want her to have a voice in her life but I also need to be her parent not her friend.

What I believe to be the answer? I have to start tough love on the whining. I have to count her out on it and send her to time out when needed. I have to teach her how to ask for what she wants and find the words for how she feels. When her children are having a hard time, a good friend of mine will often ask them "Does that make you mad?" or "Are you feeling sad right now?" and I did start using that a while back. Today I heard Buttons asking her doll "Are you mad?" and "Do you feel sad?" and I felt good to know that it's getting through to her to search for her feelings. Whining is not just a "girl thing". I think we all have the power to whine within us. However, whining doesn't often lead to others listening to us. Are you still listening?

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At August 28, 2007 at 3:25 PM, Blogger walternatives said...

I'm with you; I can't stand the whining, even my own. Wishing you the strength and patience to keep up with and hold on to the tough love for whining.

At August 28, 2007 at 7:22 PM, Blogger Robin said...

Hang in there! Sounds like you are handling this the right way for the long-term, although it may be hard in the short-term.

Oh, and one of my friends who has two girls and two boys says that boys do definitely whine, also.

At August 29, 2007 at 7:29 PM, Blogger Beth said...

I also use 1-2-3 Magic (or at leaast try to) and I think they say to count for whining as you would for any other inappropriate behavior. It is oh so hard. Whining brings me down too. I get so sick of hearing it. BTW - you are not whining, you are sharing your feelings in a post. Ever want to vent? You have my number.


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