Troubling

I don't remember exactly how the conversation started, but I heard my daughter say "but nobody can buyed me anymore 'cause I'm yours". WHAT!!!????!!!!! After asking her to clarify, she repeated the same thing. She thinks we bought her? So after being utterly flabbergasted, I finally say "honey, we didn't buy you". I continue to tell her that we buy groceries and shoes, but not people. We did have fees to pay to the Chinese government and to the U.S. government and we gave money to her orphanage to pay for her diapers and her milk while her nannies were caring for her I explain in earnest. Buttons then pipes in with "and my nuks too" which shows me she's understanding this a bit more, but I'm still having trouble grasping this. I tell her that anytime someone is brought into a family by either an adoption, birth or marriage, there are fees. We're having the fees discussion at 3?

Before, during and after Buttons' adoption we read books about attachment, racism, and the plain ol' dumb questions people ask with International Adoption. We started talking early with Buttons about her adoption in age appropriate language. She takes pride in the fact that she was born in China and has a very basic understanding about her nanny (an ayi in Chinese) and her birth mother and father. After learning that many children who are adopted think they weren't born like other children but adopted instead, we talk about her birth as being a separate occasion from our family day.

Now, about the fees. People have asked me about the money for an adoption. I explain that there are fees involved, but I don't discuss the amount and I try to deflect after that. If someone has an honest interest, I'd much rather give them names of some adoption agencies or get them started on the internet rather than give them a monetary amount. I'd rather talk about the experience of adoption and how wonderful it's been for us and so many others. I'm careful. So where did she learn this? Did someone say something? Did she hear things and put together her own interpretation? She's so aware that it surprises me sometimes.

I had prepared myself for some of the difficult questions, but I didn't know I'd be answering them for my three year old. And so it begins...