Friday, November 04, 2011

Naturally Real

For those of you who are adoptive parents, you may know this post's business just by its title.

I'm currently a stay-at-home mom and yes, sometimes I have the TV on to keep me company during the day. A couple of days ago, one of the women from The Talk was telling the story of a woman who stole money from her child's school to pay for IVF treatments because she wanted another child and couldn't afford it. So, the woman on the show continued with the story, incredulous that a woman who "had one natural child" had the nerve to steal money to try and have another one. Well. There it is. "Natural." That became the story for me.*

Z is Chinese-American and Mike and I are not. So, we rarely get asked the "is she your natural/real child" question. People already "know" their answer to this stupid question. My answer would be "yes, she is very natural and she is most certainly real and she is my child". What is the opposite of natural and real? Yeah, no children are unnatural or unreal. I promise you that her cries in the night, hugs during the day, or the way she loves watermelon is no figment of our imagination.

"You know what I mean" is the sentence most frequently heard when I have corrected people to say "biological child". Yes, I know what you mean, but it turns out that what you intended comes off as ignorant or hurtful. I know in this world of political correctness people sometimes feel like they are walking on eggshells, but language is very powerful and people should know they could be hurting someone by using it. If someone continues to use hurtful language, they should at least they know the possible damage it could cause.

Well, November is National Adoption Month and I think sometimes adoption comes off as second best and not natural. We all need to be aware that our words are powerful. Anyone whose life has been enriched with adoption should help spread the word about the good language of adoption. There are many ways to grow a family and as long as there is love and healthy relationships, then it is best and supernatural. Let's celebrate adoption!

*Sara Gilbert is also on the show and I was a bit surprised she didn't speak up about it since her older sister and brother are both adopted.

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At November 4, 2011 at 9:37 AM, Blogger Gina said...

Adoption RULES and so you do guys as parents. To me, adoption shows an even stronger commitment to love and parenting because it means that you both chose Z as your daughter. That is something extremely special. It always makes my heart swell whenever I see folks like you with adopted children. Because I know that the love is VERY natural and VERY real there. <3

At November 4, 2011 at 10:16 AM, Blogger mama t said...

thank you katie! kevin and i are always teaching correct speak. it is a very important message!

At November 4, 2011 at 10:16 AM, Blogger Moppott said...

My love for Z and her parents is so very R.E.A.L. that I have to brag about it wherever and whenever I can!!! ...and, yes, she is my real and natural granddaughter. Whenever I see a blended family enjoying a day together, I don't stop to wonder if they are real or's there is no need to ask.

At November 4, 2011 at 11:00 PM, Blogger Hooligan said...

I agree with Moppott, I don't need to know anything more about a family than the love they show to one another.

At November 5, 2011 at 8:39 AM, Anonymous Imperatrix said...

I think you need to turn off the tv. ;-)

At November 5, 2011 at 8:51 AM, Blogger Katie J said...

Thanks Gina, T, Mom and Kim!
Imperatrix, I believe you are right. Time to crank more tunes!

At November 11, 2011 at 6:47 PM, Blogger Beth said...

Naturally Real - your post is lovely and oh, so real. I wish it were published on everyone's forehead.


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